I know it is Saturday and nobody reads posts over the weekend, but I did not have time to post this on Friday and you all have to hear read it. If you really want to hear it, I can transpose my voice like a monkey or transformer or many other things – sorry, I have found some funny sites and I need an excuse to send a Monkey Mail to someone who is not sick of them yet. Warning: it is addicting….
So as I was flying around on Friday morning trying to get some work prepared for a presentation I was due for in less than an hour someone at work pulled me aside and said “When you bring your baby home from Ethiopia, you are going to give them a good name…right? Not one of these hard to spell and pronounce foreign names?”
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have never been a good come back girl. I could compare myself to George and the Jerk Store comment in well timed snarky response to stupid comments. I can think of stuff after the fact, but never on the spot. That is why I had many comments mastered for infertility and could snap off some good ones, for example (yes I did use these – seriously).
1. Oh, you need to lie still and prop with a pillow after, (or other stupid assvice for “something” we all know how to do) …..Oh, I did handstands for a while but after my wrist surgery they got kind of dangerous and I was afraid that I would hurt myself and poor Mr. Jitter’s would be left trying to defend why I broke my neck during…
2. Oh, you are so young, it will happen you just need to wait. …….Well, actually, I age in dog years and since we have been trying for 4 years your time so I have been technically trying for 28 years and that is a heck of a long time, longer than any of your friends who just waited, right?
3. Have you tried prayer. I will be sure to pray for you. ……..Thanks, but why ask God, he couldn’t even get Mary pregnant and had to use immaculate conception.
I was really getting good with my delivery of this wit and then we switched to adoption. Now I need to come up with another stupid list of stupid things stupid people stupidly say so I can respond to them and strut away to give myself a high five for being so awesome.
So, here are some responses I am working on, but they all lack the sharp, sarcastic wit of above and most are really just mean & stupid. Please help me develop a response. I am begging for some snark.
To the question: “When you bring your baby home from Ethiopia, you are going to give them a good name…right? Not one of these hard to spell and pronounce foreign names?”
My proposed responses…..
1. Well, your name is …….. I find that kind of boring and hard to pronounce so it just depends on your perspective.
2. Actually, my husband and I are planning on changing our names also to better fit with our child’s Ethiopian name. The problem is that I cannot decide if I want to be Ang.eli.na Jo.lie or Ma.donna. He is obviously Br.ad Pitt, but I kind of prefer Ma.donna. See our problem?
3. The jerk store called. They are out of you.
Help, please help.
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Note: to figure out how we do feel about name changing in adoption, please check our adoption site….. (this should motivate me to actually get the post proof read….)
October 13, 2007 at 10:15 am
I’m just not that clever.
Here’s my attempt at a snarky response: “Hmmm (pause thoughtfully) . . . good point . . . maybe we’ll just assign him/her a number to simplify things then.”
But what if they like the idea?
Sometimes saying something equally idiotic back lets them see how stupid thier suggestion is.
think #3 is a great fallback!
October 14, 2007 at 6:35 pm
what. the. fuck.!!!!!??????
How about this: Wow, you are incredibly rude!
OR: Can I name your next child?
Or: It’s really interesting that you think that your opinion matters to us.
Or: You know, we were just going to let people call our baby anything they want – whatever would make THEM feel comfortable, because THAT’S what really matters.
But really, I have no good comebacks – I’m not good in that area. I seriously don’t understand how some people think they can say such idiotic things. Where is she? I’m coming to smack her. People need to learn how to keep their noses on their faces. Grrrrr.
October 14, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Those are some great IF comebacks! I will have to store those in my arsenel. Thanks so much for sharing.
I can’t believe those moronic comments. People never cease to amaze me. The other posters have such great suggestions. I really like the numbers system. That should get the point across without being blunt
October 15, 2007 at 1:33 pm
What a horrible thing for that woman to say. What? She is worried you might actually pick a name that reflects your child’s native country? Wouldn’t that be your decision! I think you should tell her, “It’s people like you that make soon to be parents keep their name choices a secret until after the child has arrived.” Of course she’s probably rude enough to say it in front of the child as well.
October 15, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Here’s a response:
“We thought about naming our son Jesus (jee-zus), but everyone thought we meant Jesus (hay-zeus). I mean, who would look at that name and pronounce it ‘hay-zeus’? Idiots!”
October 16, 2007 at 1:10 pm
What an…interesting comment. We get comments like that all the time. We have no intention of changing our son’s name from the one that his parents gave him.
I like to use the Anti-Racist Parent approach to comments like that–a confused look and “Why would we change his name?” Just completely look like I have no idea why anyone in the world would even contemplate such a thing. Sometimes they try to come up with a “reason” and I just continue my feigned confusion and ask them what’s wrong with the name my son’s parents gave him? (This will work better once we actually KNOW his name, but it’s fairly effective even now.) Now, the ones who are really slow to catch on will continue with “But it’ll be an Ethiopian name, and he’s going to be American,” to which I respond “Of course he’ll be American, but it’s not like that erases the fact that he’s also Ethiopian.” It usually ends up making the person feel particularly stupid without me pointing it out so bluntly.
But if you really want snark, how about “We figured that an Ethiopian name would probably be too tough for you, so we’ll make it something really simple. How about Bob? Can you handle Bob? What about Jane?” Naturally, this has to be done in the voice you might use talking to a little kid. A really little kid.