Disclaimer: this has a point and is not just dog talk.
We are dog sitting a co-workers pug/rat terrier mix. She is a pampered little dog, but so is our Matisse. The difference is that a small papered dog moves much faster than a 75 pound pampered dog. Two seems pretty easy to handle.
Until, I got a frantic call last night from Mr. Jitter’s that our good friend is in the ER at the hospital where I work with Malaria. (She just got back from Haiti) I sat with her until she got moved up to the ICU – she is sick, really sick. I hate seeing people I care about like that. After she moved upstairs where she will reside for at least 3 days, I went to meet her husband at home who was at that time returning from his grad school exam. He didn’t know what was going on (other than that she was really sick when he left that morning) and I felt for him. Since he will now have more on his hands, I decided to take his standard poodle for a while. His was relieved and now the dogs outnumber the humans at our household.
Two was manageable, but three is a lot. Again, I ask myself, how does Sami do it? She has more dogs than I currently am caring for & she has a newborn. Yikes.
The long awaited point and drawn out connection: How do people have more children than adults or hands for that matter? I cannot handle our current dog to human ratio, so how could I ever manage children? Initially we wanted 2 children. We learned the bastard lesson of life through infertility. That lesson being that you do not have ultimate control over the things you desire to control most. That being said, we came to a conclusion that we would take the children that came our way, whether it be through adoption (yes, you can get multiples….) or some biological fluke. Mr. Jitters and I joked about how much really will change in our lives when we have achieved our numerical family member goals last night before bed as we were fighting for space on our queen mattress between two standard poodles and listening to the faint whimpers of a kenneled pug/terrier who is now sitting on my lap hindering my typing while my boy rests his head on my feet and his poodle friend is squeaking a stuffed carrot.
Don’t worry, this will not turn into a dog blog, nor a mommy blog for that matter, but I needed this experience to remind me that we are really not prepared to best parent a sibling set of different ages. I cannot explain how I came to this conclusion with a dog comparison to our social worker, or anyone for that matter, but I am relieved that Mr. Jitters and I agree that we will be at our best as parents when we can still have a little of ourselves as individuals and as a couple.
I feel a bit selfish & inadequate admitting that. Basically, I am limiting the number of children I want so I can maintain a lifestyle I enjoy. Two means no minivan, vacations are easier and more affordable, zero populations growth, one parent can attend to one child at time. Please tell me your rational for number of children desired or achieved? Has it changed with your experiences? I don’t think I will change my mind, but I am curious how others come to conclusions about similar issues.
October 18, 2007 at 6:02 am
I’ve always figured no more than two because I can only grab two out of harms way at one time (ie I only have two hands).
But I have made my peace with only having one child (if we’re even that lucky) because we’ve run out of time and money for adopting/having two. (If it happens otherwise we’ll be thrilled. Surprised, but thrilled.)
So to talk myself into one being OK, I’m looking at the advantages, like you mentioned, easier to maintain lifestyle, travel, etc., with one. I’m mostly convinced.
(I am/was an only, so it also makes me a bit sad to think my child probably won’t have a sibling either.)
I hope your friend recovers soon.
October 18, 2007 at 7:41 am
When I was young (very young) I wanted 4 kids. I grew up in a family with 4 kids, and it seemed great– you could pair off in different and interesting ways, etc. etc. Then when I met Mr.Sleepingcat, we settled on 2-3.
But everything has changed during the string of miscarriages, and now I’m saying that I’ll be well contented and very happy to have one. VERY HAPPY!
I’m not sure what changed, but part of what you said about realizing that all this stuff is sort of out of our control really hits home.
The older I get the more I realize that most of the only children I had as friends growing up were the result of a long and difficult road of loss and infertility for their parents. I always just thought of them as lucky. I loved hanging out in those houses– my best friend is an only child and we always had SUCH FUN with her parents. In houses with many kids, like my own, parents were in a world apart– only peeping in to tell us to quiet down, or to come in for dinner.
October 20, 2007 at 11:45 am
I think three dogs (especially when one of them isn’t yours) is very very hard. When they’re all yours, they’re part of the same pack so it’s actually easier.
Much like kids. You just need to have a clear pack hierarchy and space them out a bit, or have so many like the Duggars that the kids can take care of other kids.