I planned on writing a post today about the suprisingly wonderful day I spent with my parents yesterday, despite the fact that it became very apparent that my father is aging.  I was kind of freaked, made some observations, and came to some conclusions.  All in all it was a very solid post that has a twinge of sadness, some sliver of happiness, small town humor, and demonstration of growth…blah, blah, blah, etc.

But, then, I did something really stupid.

Really, really stupid.

Even more stupid than writing this in short lines separated by annoying white space.


Are you ready?

I bet you can guess what I did…..



and it was faintly positive.

And then I got excited. And then I calculated that it has only been 1 week since my retrieval (August 6th) and 4 -5 days since my transfer (August 9th).  Technically, I am only 4dp3dt.  Seven days past fertilization. Note, seven days past pathetic fertilization, so you need to throw in at least a day to for them to play catch up and it has not even been a week.  My HcG shot is most likely not even out of my system since it was just on August 4th at 7pm – no 10 days, just 9 or 9 1/2 depending on  when you start counting.  I have broken it down into hours people.  I am crazy, I know.

Why did I voluntarily elect this torture? I should have stopped holding my pee and not run to the other room to grab a stupid, inconclusive test.  I should have just let it flow and got that good first pee of the day relief.

Instead, I choose purgatory.

Now I will waste countless dollars testing repeatedly and be sad when the little faint line goes away.  I liked seeing it, but at the same time time am very sad knowthing this may be the last (and close to the first mind you) positive I ever see.  Regardless of the outcome, I think I am going to save it, or at least till it turns nasty yellow and gets full of lint and old hair.  Do they make frames for pee sticks?  Perhaps that will be the next marketing trick from these nasty price gouging manufactuers….an early, reliable test with a complentary oak frame that will accent all the photos on your mantle – product available in light or dark finish, with a line enhancing backlight option.

 Once thing is certain.  The day will not end without me trying again.  Regardless if the outcome – I am enjoying my faux moment.

Just for an added bit of craziness, when I emerged from the bathroom with pee stick in hand and bolted to the natural light if the kitchen to verify what the dim bathroom light showed me, I shouted to Mr. Jitters that I had a positive.  He responded:  “That’s great, honey, Carl Rove announced his plans to step down today.”

More proof that he does not always listen to what I say.