I work at a hospital.  Babies are born at hospitals.   Conclusion: I see many pregnant people and occasionally new babies.

At first this was really annoying, but now it is just work.  Even the baby chime that plays for each child’s birth annoys me only on bad days.  Most of the time I can tune it out successfully.

The thing I can not tune out is the stupidity of pregnant people and their mates.  I use the term mates intentionally because some of these folks are two opposable digits and some brain space away from animals.

For example, while walking through the lobby today a gentleman approached me.  He informed me his wife was in labor.  I asked if his wife was able to make and he said yes, so I told him he needs to go to Birthplace.  I showed him that way and even pushed the button on the elevator for him.  He then said, “so is the birthplace where the babies are born?”

Ah, that would be why it is called the birthplace, sir.  I am sorry, I should make that clearer…BIRTH PLACE.

Or last week, while walking through one of  the attached clinic buildings a man approached me to ask where the girl clinic was.  I asked him to clarify what he meant by “girl clinic” and he said, you know where they check out the babies.  Just to make sure I asked if it was babies before or after birth.  And he said “before, you know in the bellies”.  I directed him to where he needed to go and told him that if he gets lost again to ask for so and so Gynecology.  Repeating the directions to me to make sure he got it right, well most of it right, he said:”and if I get lost again, just ask at the desk for so and so va-gyn-o-cology.

It was so hard not to laugh.

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